


chrysanthemum

by xighs



Series: wide and bright and molten gold [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angry Kissing, Angst, Awkward Dates, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Pining, Rare Pairings, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23768332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xighs/pseuds/xighs
Summary: "That free coupon still valid, by any chance?"Of all things he's expected her to confront him with after two weeks of disappearing on him since that night, never in his right mind had he imagined her first topic of concern was the validity of thefucking tea couponhe gave her at the end of their date.
Relationships: Jin/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: wide and bright and molten gold [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726255
Comments: 30
Kudos: 483





	chrysanthemum

**Author's Note:**

> *post zuko/jin date from season 2 episode 15 - tales of ba sing se! 
> 
> so i was rewatching atla and thought that it would be interesting if this pairing was explored more (read: given a chance). also wanted to give jinko more love in the tags!

It's been 5 whole days - nearly a week - since his awkward, impromptu date with Jin and he hasn't seen her step afoot into Pao Family Tea House ever since, which was weird because she's known to be a regular.

Zuko accidentally steeps tea for far longer than what his uncle usually recommends; remembering what Iroh's taught him when he first started learning to brew tea, leaving the concoction bitter than usual.

This batch won't do. After all, the tea shop has to live up to reputation after its unprecedented success when Iroh took over as official tea maker. He leaves the pot aside and starts over again with a new one.

"Maybe you should stick to cashier work," Iroh chuckles, swiftly finishing up another brew just in time for Ryu, the new server boy, to pick up for the next table.

Zuko grumbles, abashedly, "Thought you could use a hand," then gestures to the crowd of customers in their midst. Zuko then stalks back to his post to collect payment from an approaching customer, dropping the pieces of copper into a wooden cash coffer. "I was idle at the time."

_And at least engaging in this menial task keeps me occupied from feeling restless,_ he doesn't say.

Zuko proceeds to pick up where he left off with his interrupted tea brewing now that he's idle again when his ears perk up at the indistinct creak of the wooden door entrance opening, over the commotion of the crowd. He instinctively turns back, eyes searching for a familiar face, expecting to see her already - she usually comes around this time, late noon, only to meet with disappointment yet again when he realizes it isn't. Just another old refugee in his mid-fifties looking forward to tea.

This has become a habit lately, _I mean, wasn't she supposed to come see me after that night? Aren't we supposed to talk, summarize, look back and laugh over that first date? Surely there should be some sort of follow-up to these things - or do earth kingdom girls do it differently here?_

Zuko has no real experience in the casual dating scene at his age - being raised in royalty and whatnot, when the only other romantic relationship he's ever been in was developed since childhood due to their similar aristocratic upbringing. His family had noble ties with hers, hence deeming her suitable enough to be elected into one of his very small circle of playmates when he was a child. Growing up, he really didn't have much variety of friends other than the upper class bunch he's expected - no actually, _permitted_ \- to only have. 

Honestly, he's got to stop letting this girl get to his head. It seems almost silly to feel this anxious - and insecure even, if he dared to admit - about the outcome of a date he didn't even ask for. In a way you gotta hand it to Jin for being determined to ask Zuko out so spontaneously like that when they barely knew each other. It's certainly different from the old school chivalry and customary etiquette he's used to back home amongst fire nation nobility where men are almost always expected to courteously initiate the first moves toward ladies they wish to court - hardly the other way round. It caught him completely off guard at the time.

"You left your tea to steep too long again," Iroh dotingly chides.

Zuko curses under his breath and takes out another pot.

* * *

There is another coupon for complimentary tea he's set aside for Jin again - he's been stealing one every now and then from the drawer Iroh's placed them in whenever his mind does that thing where it, well, _overthinks._ He's gathered 5 in total. Zuko and restlessness do not mix well.

It's been officially a week and 3 days since he's last seen her and the worst thought has finally occurred to him: _she knows he's a firebender._ Ironically, that was his first voiced out thought to Iroh when he first started noticing her regular appearances at the shop.

What a disaster. _How could he be so stupid._ Lighting up the Firelight Fountain so recklessly like that in public - what other conclusion can she draw from how fast it took him to light each individual lantern like that in mere seconds? Or could it be that she was warned by someone lurking in the shadows whom just so happened to catch him bend fire right that very moment - while she had her eyes closed?

Imagine her reaction at the prospect of spending the evening with a firebender; whose true allegiance lie to a ruthless, totalitarian nation that started this whole war in the first place all in the quest for absolute power over the world - the reason why her village in the outskirts of Ba Sing Se was annihilated; the reason why she has to take refuge here in the slums in the first place.

It sickens him to the stomach - where his past loyalties lie; what monster has Jin painted him in her head. _How she'd react when she finds out he's the son of the current firelord._

Zuko's on his bed. The sky is turning lighter. He kinda wants to throw up.

* * *

Zuko finally decides to resign from helping Iroh brew tea after getting consistent complaints from customers on orders he's apparently handled... Or so Ryu suspects. The poor guy is already on minimum wage as a server in the Lower Ring - on top of that, also being the go-to target for the shop's patrons to dump their unsatisfactory remarks on. Such is his job criteria involving direct customer interaction. 

Ryu gets so flustered juggling critiques directed at him lately, he's been grabbing any opportunity to blame his misfortunes on Zuko. "Ever since you started getting your hands on brewing tea, I've been receiving the brunt of every complaint!" He whines. _"'Oh, serving tasteless tea now I see?' 'Oh, the nerve of you calling this bitter liquid tea!'"_

Zuko huffs a breath through his nostrils and retorts, "Well the next time they give you shit, tell them to take it here to my face!"

"You know what, I just might!"

This goes on back and forth for awhile until Iroh steps in to break them up, chastising the two to get back to work. He places a new pot of tea onto the serving tray for Ryu to send off. Ryu rolls his eyes at the air in front of him and takes the tray before strutting off.

"You've been on edge lately," Iroh starts, then lowers his voice to a whisper, _"Prince Zuko."_

Zuko clucks his tongue disapprovingly, side-eyeing the crowd. "Don't call me that here."

Iroh seems unfazed, swiftly lifting up a jar of Camellia leaves back onto the shelf above before absentmindedly wiping down the counter with a washcloth, movements repeated countless of times before that they naturally become part of a habit. He ignores the warning, knowing full well more than half of the tea he was instructed to prepare attribute to having mild tranquilizing properties, hence inducing subtle drowsiness when consumed. No one's really paying attention to anything in particular, he can assure you that. Zuko needn't worry.

"It's been awhile since I've seen Jin in our shop...," Iroh baits, knowingly.

Zuko flushes, falling for it. "Not like it has anything to do with me."

Iroh chuckles. "I didn't necessarily say that it did."

"Don't you have some cups that need washing?" Zuko snaps, shooting a pointed look at his uncle.

Iroh shrugs in resignation. "I thought you two had a good time."

"It doesn't matter if we did, it's none of your business-" Zuko yells, catches himself growing hot, then tries to calm himself when he realizes his response came out more hostile than intended. "I'm sorry," he mutters, voice still hard but apologetic, turning back to face his uncle. "I just don't feel like talking about it."

Iroh, patient as ever, hardly takes that to offence. He meets Zuko's eyes, gaze sympathetic, about to voice out his concern over his nephew's suppressed emotions when just about then you could barely hear the wooden door creak - but it creaks open nevertheless, and as if fate had no say in picking an even worse moment for this event to unfold, it unmercifully does right before Iroh's eyes. Well, that got his attention. 

Zuko frowns, watching his uncle's gaze shift to whatever's more interesting in the background and downright _ignores_ him when he's wearing his heart out on his sleeve like that, glaring as he turns back to catch a familiar pair of olive green eyes belonging to a familiar face of a familiar girl.

_Well, fuck._

* * *

"Um, hi," Jin starts, faint of a smile playing across her lips. She's wearing her hair in low pigtails just like the first time she's worn them in when he last remembered her asking him out and Zuko doesn't know why his palms are betraying him by being all sweaty for no reason because this surge of déjà vu is honestly _nothing he can't handle._

"That free coupon still valid, by any chance?"

_What the..._ Of all things he's expected her to confront him with after two weeks of disappearing on him since that night, never in his right mind had he imagined her first topic of concern was the validity of the _fucking tea coupon_ he gave her at the end of their date.

Zuko stands there, dumbstruck. Conveniently eavesdropping on their conversation, Iroh hastily chimes in - at the effort of somehow saving the awkward exchange - by stating, "Ah, it's valid all year round-"

"It's expired," Zuko cuts, gritting his teeth.

Jin stares at him.

"It expires after two weeks."

* * *

They're both at the back alley of Pao Family Tea House after being ushered into the kitchen and out the back door by Iroh, no less. There are old delivery crates stacked up against the dilapidated exterior walls of the tea shop emitting a foul smell most likely due to rotten, leftover herbs. Not to mention the occasional scurry of rats at the corner of his vision every now and then, amidst the sight of malnourished beggars digging for scraps from rubbish bins lining the alleyway. Just another typical day at the Lower Ring of Ba Sing Se.

"Hear me out," Jin says, hands up in surrender. Zuko wants nothing more than to storm back inside, to be anywhere but here - instead, he waits.

"I thought I came off too strong in the beginning," she pauses. "And then I came off too strong in the end." Jin's lips part, letting out an unsteady breath. Zuko's eyes fall on them, remembering, _realizing,_ allowing himself to blush because she's blushing too, he can definitely tell, and foolishly enough, it comforts him a little that he isn't alone on this. _Kissing involves two people, dumbass, of course you're not alone on this,_ he thinks back.

"After you, uh," she tries to choose her next words carefully without hurting Zuko's feelings, "ran away and left me there," she fails, "I figured you could use some space," Jin murmurs, "away from me." There was an unspoken truth underlying the air. _I figured I could use some space away from you._

The proud, tense posture of Zuko's torso collapses, shoulders first, seeing her point of view for the first time after being clouded by his own for so long. "I...," he starts. "I'm not good at this, I don't know how to-" He swallows. "I'm not used to this life, after years of struggling to stay afloat in a life completely different from this. I've been on the run for so long, I've forgot how to stay put." _There are things in my dark past I've yet to reconcile with,_ he doesn't say. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

Jin reaches out to him, resting her palm against his elbow. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that."

* * *

The coupon Jin has is valid all year round, and hasn't expired within two weeks - Iroh wanted to clarify to her the moment they both returned from the kitchen. She laughs, assuring Iroh no hard feelings, and orders her usual jasmine over the counter before walking off to share a table with a stranger as the tea shop is currently on full house. Zuko absently watches her attempt small talk with the man across her, amazed at how natural she is at starting conversations, when Iroh interrupts his thoughts with a question - "How was it?"

Zuko doesn't snap at his uncle to stay out of his business this time. "It was good." And he meant that earnestly. He's found that having a friend in the midst of his transition to civilian life can be quite comforting, though he's too proud to admit that out loud.

Zuko is slowly learning things. He's learned to haggle bargains for ingredients at the market. He's learned which shortcuts to take when he's out running errands for Iroh. He's learned to deal with the termite situation in his living quarters above the shop by smearing vinegar in every nook. His thoughts haven't been plaguing him lately so he's learned how to improve his part time knack at tea brewing - this time with Iroh's guidance. He's learned about the existence of a humble library in city square after which he takes up Iroh's suggestion of borrowing a book there on the art of tea brewing. He's learned there are far more interesting books tucked away in the library shelves. He's learned about a book called _The Language of Flowers._

Zuko wrinkles his nose at the dust collecting in the air the moment he fingers the book out from its niche. Nonchalantly flipping through the pages and browsing through illustrations, his eyes catch focus on a text in faded ink titled _Friendship._ Self-consciously he looks around, making sure nobody was in his proximity because _he honestly wouldn't be caught dead reading this blarney._

It reads:

_The alstroemeria is the flower most representative of friendship. This flower also symbolizes good fortune and prosperity._

_The iris is also often used to represent friendly relationships. Iris flowers of any colour have meanings of cherished friendship and commitment in loving relationships._

_The chrysanthemum represents support in a friendship. It signifies the promise of always being there for someone._

Zuko contemplates, thoughts shifting one after the other until it leads him somewhere quite ridiculous. _Oh god, is he really going there?_

Well, if there's one thing Zuko knows for certain; alstroemerias are native fire nation flowers and have no use other than for decorative purposes - hence, bearing no profit in culturing them here in the Lower Ring, impoverished as the city is now. Secondly, uh, Zuko isn't exactly _jumping_ at the meaning behind the iris flower carrying the words _commitment_ and _loving relationships._ He thinks he'll pass on that one for now.

All that's left is... the chrysanthemum. One of the more popular tea flavour on the menu that customers like to order. Back in the shop, they have like 6 jars full of dried chrysanthemum flowers in inventory. And the meaning behind chrysanthemums... Zuko's got to admit the promise of _always being there for someone_ takes up a huge dedication on Zuko's part, especially towards someone he only just recently knew.

Zuko knits his eyebrows together, chewing on his lower lip. He closes the book.

* * *

They usually don't get much customers in the middle of the week so when Zuko spots Jin coming in like she always does during late afternoons for her usual cup of jasmine, he suggests to take over from a rather puzzled Ryu, coming over to her table to serve her tea instead as an excuse to talk to her. _Crap, maybe he really_ does _need to learn how to make more friends..._

"Hey, stranger," Jin grins, mildly surprised to see Zuko take a seat from across her instead of returning back to the counter. "I did not peg you for one to play hooky," she quips in good humour, a mischievous glint in her eye.

He can't help but blush, grumbling, "You brought a book with you this time." Not exactly a reply to her remark, not exactly an opening for pleasantries either, more like an offhanded observation. _God, I really don't know how to talk to people,_ Zuko thinks.

Jin's eyes widen in enthusiasm at the mention of it, first toward Zuko, and then to the book, eagerly turning it over the right way up at his side of the table, careful to avoid her steaming pot of tea. She points at the title: _Earth Kingdom Cultures._ "We're learning about the variety of tribes within the earth kingdom in our night classes." She explains how the option to further study higher than middle school is limited to none in the Lower Ring so usually when they reach the age to pursue high school, most kids just start working to contribute to their household. Those who still wish to study have the option of attending secret night classes voluntarily hosted by a band of fellow refugees; teachers and intellectuals whom escaped their fire nation occupied homelands to take asylum in Ba Sing Se.

Jin begins to flip through the pages, describing how there's a completely isolated culture practiced in the Kiyoshi Islands compared to the mainland as they hold minimal connection to the earth kingdom imperial government. As she enters into the subsequent chapters, Zuko notices her excitement piquing at the more animated way she talks about them. "These chapters about the sandbender tribes are my _favourite,"_ she expresses. "Due to the hostile and harsh environment of the Si Wong desert, earth kingdom's government never fully managed to subdue the indigenous tribes there."

She points to the several graphic illustrations of how their gods are allegedly depicted. "According to their ancient lore, these supernatural beings showed their might and anger by dropping the massive Si Wong Rock onto disobedient people when they no longer followed the rules of the desert priests." Zuko skims their humanoid faces with his fingertips and then moves down to inspect their half-reptilian bodies of what he thinks resemble scorpions, rattlesnakes and lizards.

"We only have two copies of this textbook," she sighs, staring at the book like precious treasure she finally got her hands on. "We take turns borrowing them amongst each other and today's my turn." She looks up from the pages and meets Zuko's eyes, beaming.

Zuko's breath is caught, not knowing where to begin to form a reply eloquent enough. Noticing Zuko freezing, Jin's gaze softens, shifting nervously in her seat. "I'm a huge nerd when it comes to these things," she admits, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "Maybe one day, if you'd like...," she mumbles under her breath, momentarily trailing off. "I could take you to one of these classes."

* * *

Zuko doesn't feel like he's ready to meet new people yet though he constantly reprimands himself for not having many friends.

Jin grabs his hand without thinking, much too thrilled about Zuko taking up on her offer. He, on the other hand, is _very much aware_ of the damp squelch of the initial skin on skin contact and panics at the fact that his palms are sweating up again, but this time - _on hers._

"Ah," Zuko mutters, embarrassed, flexing his hand to loosen her grip on him. "Sorry." He awkwardly proceeds to wipe them down on his pants before Jin does that thing where she spontaneously acts without prior thought again, almost instinctively reaching out for his hand the second time, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Don't be silly." She flashes him an easy smile, not minding one bit.

Zuko's head spins. _How can anyone be_ that _carelessly confident?_ It was infuriating. Intimidating. In... _fatuating._ Zuko gulps, letting himself be lead. It's dark out, right after his shift where she'd promised to meet him just outside the shop. It feels like déjà vu of their first date all over again - her hand in his, guiding him past unfamiliar streets that he's sworn he'd be familiar with by now, the starry night, the smell of rain wafting from the cobbled ground. He holds on to her. She's stopped walking by now but he holds on.

* * *

The classes are held in one of the shophouses belonging to a water tribe refugee called Tarik. He's got to be no older than 60, with dark blue eyes that are rather cloudy with age and tanned, weathered skin. His angular face is lined with salt and pepper facial hair growing along his jaw before breaking out into a full beard on his chin. He grins warmly at the sight of a new face amongst the crowd and bids Zuko with a "Welcome."

Zuko acknowledges him with a nod, eyes scanning the room full of strangers that are, _very rudely,_ staring at his scar. He shifts his face downwards to hide his grimace, about to chicken out and whisper _this is a bad idea_ to Jin when his eyes also happen to serendipitously fall on the sight of his hands around hers at the same time, relaxing him a little and giving him comfort - and courage, even, to go on.

Jin stares up at him from under her eyelashes, the candlelit room casting long shadows of her lashes across her cheeks. He thinks of chrysanthemums, and he thinks of _support in a friendship,_ and just when Jin starts reassuringly rubbing Zuko's knuckles in circles with her thumb after sensing his nerves getting the best of him, he thinks of how easily he can close this distance-

Tarik urges them to take their seats on the mat as class is about to start.

As expected, they discuss the topic of earth kingdom culture. Tarik so charismatically conducts the class with such extensive knowledge on the subject that he might as well be an earth kingdom citizen himself. He goes on explaining how the culture of the earth kingdom is far less defined than those of the other nations. "The immense size and diversity of this country led to the development of different dialects," he explains. "By the time of Avatar Kyoshi, the northern and southern dialects were so distinctively different from one another that they could nearly be considered as separate languages."

There is a stack of parchment paper provided for the class at the corner of the room along with a supply of bamboo pens with whittled tips. They are currently on an ink shortage at the moment, in which Tarik takes the opportunity to chastise his students to make the habit of bringing along their own stationery next time... though according to Jin, usually the next time he meets them again he has to reiterate the same advice. "The most endearing thing about Tarik is that he never loses faith," Jin whispers, gesturing towards the two bamboo pens and vial of ink she's got tucked in her pocket.

"You're missing paper," Zuko notes.

"That's 'cause there's never a shortage of paper here in Tarik's class," she reasons with a wink. 

The class continues on to the subtopic of earth kingdom architecture. Like the other nations that base most their buildings on their elemental colour, earth kingdom primarily uses green. Zuko hasn't really written much notes on his paper other than listing out the materials of stone, wood and plaster used to construct the majority of earth kingdom buildings so he curiously peeks over to Jin's paper and notices she's hardly written anything either - before realizing that's her third piece.

While in the middle of compensating his paper with more effort to write down notes, Zuko belatedly catches the giggles and incessant whispers of a rather pretty girl in a high ponytail moments after Tarik's moved on to the next subtopic, bothering Jin next to her with the occassional _he's cute_ and _he's not your boyfriend or anything right_ again and again until it's given Zuko the vague impression that she purposely _wants_ Zuko to overhear her.

Jin was in the middle of writing something significant down when the girl interrupts her again with another _no seriously, you've got to introduce me to him,_ making her miss the part of the lecture she's been so keen on. Admittedly, Zuko's missed it too, being so distracted by the girl's jesting. _"Could you quit it for a sec, Ming Jun!"_ Jin finally shoots back, the heads of her classmates turning toward her direction at the sound of the outburst. Tarik included.

She doesn't blush - Zuko would've blushed - and regains her composure. "Sorry sir, would you mind repeating the part about the city of Taku being destroyed?"

Tarik gives a pointed look at Ming Jun and then at Jin, and then back at Ming Jun again, clearing his throat. "Because of fire nation assaults, many of the once great cities of the earth kingdom were either destroyed, as was Taku," he repeats. "or taken over, as was Omashu," he continues. 

Zuko feels sick. The room feels smaller for some reason so he clenches onto his bamboo pen to gain some sort of bearing amidst his rising claustrophobia. 

"Smaller towns are usually forced into slave labour by the fire nation, as well as to mine coal and ores to build and fuel their warships."

_Stop talking, stop talking, stop talking._

"Taking advantage of their economical, technological, and military superiority during the absence of the avatar, the fire nation was able to wreak worldwide destruction and widespread loss of life in the other nations."

_Enough, enough, enough._

"Currently the last strongholds able to defend themselves from the fire nation are down to only two; the northern water tribe and - as you all know - the earth kingdom city of Ba Sing Se."

Zuko stands, shaking. "I have to go-"

* * *

_Traitor-_

is all he can think of right now. There is a panging in his skull that's preventing him from conjuring up any other coherent thought other than-

_Traitor, traitor, traitor, traitor, traitor, traitor_ moments after he struggles to regain a sense of consciousness.

He's on his bed back at his quarters though he doesn't remember how he got here exactly. He vaguely remembers throwing up the second he sprinted out of the front door of Tarik's shophouse though, ruining his welcome mat. It was the last thing he distinctively saw before the words _welcome_ started spiraling into a blur.

There were strong hands, he thinks, pulling him up. Tarik supporting his right and Jin supporting his left. He remembers Tarik coercing Jin to let him handle it instead but she was adamant on helping. There was also a crowd of panic-stricken students gathering in front of the house... and if he's not mistaken, amongst them were neighbours threatening to report Tarik's illicit night classes to the Dai Li. His skull pangs again and hopes that he's remembering the last bit wrong.

"You've caused quite a stir, Prince Zuko," Iroh notes, pouring a cup of tea on the bedside table next to him. "It's ginger," he assures him, putting a hand on his stomach. "Good for the belly."

Zuko audibly groans, slowly sitting himself up on the bed before graciously reaching out to receive the cup from Iroh. He takes a sip and peers up at his uncle in earnest. _Thank you,_ his eyes seem to say. He needed that.

He used to think that he doesn't have a preference when it comes to tea but now he thinks ginger might be the closest one.

"They were talking about the fire nation," Zuko reflects, voice low, his hands around the cup steaming, threatening to set ablaze now that it's just the two of them in the room and he doesn't need to keep up at the act. "The things we did, the cities we destroyed, the people we took in as _slaves-"_ His voice breaks. _"Tarik,"_ he remembers, breath quivering. "He only barely managed to escape the raids on the southern water tribe alive! He had to watch his family and friends who were benders be captured and killed one by one while they're out there fighting in the frontlines!" He yells, miserable, and desperately looking into Iroh's eyes, searching, _searching_ \- for what? For retribution? For _mercy?_

"You are not responsible for the actions of your forefathers," Iroh quietly consoles.

_"I have their blood on my hands!"_ The room is spinning. All Zuko saw was red.

The blast from his hand had narrowly missed Iroh by mere inches, setting the wardrobe across his room aflame.

* * *

Jin's out waiting at the living area when it happened and with her quick thinking, had managed to fill up a pail of water from the adjoining kitchen's sink to douse out the sudden burst of flames coming from Zuko's room. 

Zuko's too stunned by the turn of events to have time to even wonder why on earth was Jin in his house in the first place but is secretly grateful for her to be here anyway. Iroh manages to fish out a second, bigger bucket from one of the kitchen cupboards, racing towards the lavatory to only hastily fill it up halfway before emptying it out on the fire. Zuko, not wanting to be useless, scurries off in search of another extra bucket until Iroh calls out to him, "There isn't one!"

He contemplates filling up water into a spare bowl for a millisecond before eyeing onto Iroh's potted bonsai plant on the windowsill and, without thinking, lunges toward the plant to uproot it, dumping the contents of its soil onto the fire in effort to smother it. Just then comes Jin's last effort in extinguishing the flames with the throw of her full pail of water, finally ending the entire ordeal.

She cocks her head at him, incredulous. "Soil?"

_Yeah, not his best idea._

They clean up afterwards - with Jin unable to keep a straight face, probably still thinking about the soil - sweeping the ashes and debris into a garbage bag. Iroh has _conveniently_ disappeared to make tea in the other room, leaving the two of them to talk. They tried using a dustpan but the mess the fire - uh, Zuko - made was far too much so Zuko - yes, he's coming up with ideas again - opts to bring out the garbage bag directly into the bedroom, holding out the corners so it's easier for Jin to dispose the remnants. 

"My uncle let you in," Zuko acknowledges. _Why are you here?_ is what he meant.

Jin shrugs, picking up a piece of chipboard to dump in the bag. "I was worried about you," she says, honest. "Felt like it was my fault for bringing you along. So I wouldn't be able to shake off my guilt if I went home leaving you here still unconscious."

Zuko felt his heart jump. He deliberately swallows, a mindless attempt at containing himself, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat. As he watches her sort through the clutter, he gradually realizes something quite amiss in her usual appearance... her clothes-

His eyes widens.

She's wearing _his clothes._

Jin steps closer towards Zuko, depositing yet another scrap piece when she looks up to find him mystified in place. Following his line of vision towards her torso, she blushes, letting out a sheepish laugh. "Yeah, I hope you don't mind. Your uncle lent me your tunic to wear after seeing the vomit on mine," she explains, then abruptly realizes she should also mention one more thing. "Of course he would've lended me his!" She declares, defending Iroh. "But he figured yours fit better."

"No, I...," Zuko interjects, shaking his head. "I don't mind," he breathes, seemingly out of breath. It was carelessly revealing more honesty than he'd like her to know, but it's too late to take back now. The way the fabric clings loose on her slender frame, revealing her collarbone, tempts Zuko's eyes to wander lower when she bends down to sweep and he crushes the thought as soon as it came because _are you fucking serious right now, Zuko,_ he thinks. He forces himself to shift his thoughts elsewhere, mentally cursing at the betrayal of his teenage body for allowing the rush of blood down south.

Who'd knew Jin wearing his clothes would get him so riled up? He needs to get it together-

"I'm sorry."

Jin blinks, facing him.

"How I reacted back there, how I-" He groans, remembering. "Puked on your clothes, busted Tarik's night classes out, made you _worry,"_ he confesses, voice cracking in the end. "Made you feel like you're obligated to stay back for me when _you really should be safe at home by now-"_ Zuko releases his grip on the garbage bag, crossing the room to meet Jin. "It's not about the class - Tarik is amazing," he assures, and lowering his voice, continues, "none of this is your fault."

Jin's eyes are tearing up but she doesn't seem to notice. Zuko wants to hold her.

The first few droplets of tears start to fall on her cheeks and she's caught off guard, bringing a hand up to dab at them. She stares blankly at her fingertips, as if only now just realizing. "I...," she falters as she contemplates her next words. "I fear I pushed you too soon," she whispers, breathlessly. "I know how it feels like, adapting to a new life, starting all over... I found a haven in the classes I took with Tarik and I wanted to share that with you too. I was blindly following my heart to what I thought was right at the moment when I should've known that you weren't ready to open up yet-"

Zuko reaches out and takes her hands, eyebrows creasing and heart heavy. "Jin, I'm-" He croaks, voice raspy, eyes darting toward the burnt remains of the wardrobe in the garbage bag and then back to her. "The fire-"

Jin leans in, resting her forehead against the edge of his jaw, her damp cheek on his neck - like a hug, only her hands were in his, in-between their chests. _"I know."_

Zuko freezes, unable to process what he just heard. He takes a weary step back, away from her. "What... do you _mean...,"_ he trails off, slowly enunciating each word. _"How..."_

She smiles, wistful, providing Zuko with only two words for him to connect the dots. "The Firelight Fountain."

Suddenly all of Zuko's tormented thoughts come racing back to him all at once. Past doubts and fears that are all tied down to one thing for certain - the mocking taunt of uncertainty itself; the acceptance he _yearns,_ but isn't sure he'll get. _I knew it,_ he thinks. All those nights playing the memory over and over again in his head, nitpicking on what could possibly go wrong - what _does_ eventually go wrong... His insecurities gnawing at him the moment he entertains his doubts - _his fear of getting caught._

Jin moves toward Zuko, catching him as he folds in on himself, cringing. She walks him steadily towards the bed at the corner of the room, sitting him down before taking a seat next to him herself. They're both a few inches apart from each other, untouching.

"I don't care what you are," she confesses, voice low enough to be almost inaudible, and sounding like she's saying it more to herself than to him.

Zuko stirs. "Are you a _fool?"_ He finally snaps. "You mean to say you hold no contempt for me whatsoever - after _everything_ the fire nation took from you? Are you _forgetting_ what they did to your village? Don't you dare tell me you do not care-"

"You have _no right_ to twist my words against me like that," Jin cuts in, hands clenching into fists. "For years I've sought vengeance for what they did to me and my family but it only brought me misery and unrest for most of my childhood," she laments, unclenching her hands. "Imagine living like that your whole life... _unhinged...,"_ she shivers, shaking her head. "I learned to let go. It's too early for me to forgive, and I'll never forget... but I've learned to Iet it go."

"You're right," Zuko spits, frowning, judging too quickly. "It's too early for you to forgive so why can't you just _admit_ you're still angry?"

Jin stares at him, dumbfounded, as if he's heard nothing she just said. _Boys,_ she thinks, pulling Zuko by the collar and pressing her lips against his, hard and wet, in effort to shut him up. Zuko, momentarily stunned as he is, eventually snaps out of his stupor - about to return the favour before Jin cuts it short, tilting her head ever so slightly to question softly, without malice, against his lips, _"Who am I mad at?"_

Zuko clicks his tongue in a _tsk,_ frustrated, cheeks flushed, lunging forward in desperation to taste her lips on his once more, just pressing, pressing, _moving_ in tandem with hers. Zuko's hands hover near her waist, awkwardly at first, before finally settling on them. "You shouldn't-" he sucks on her lower lip. "Even be-" she shifts downward, catching his own in exchange. "Doing this-"

_with me,_ he doesn't finish. He doesn't deserve her fervent kisses, he doesn't deserve to be feeling _so goddamn good._ Somewhere in his right mind, he is shameful of this instant gratification that is _hardly justifiable_ after everything that had just unfolded. For so long, he's been living his life blaming himself - his banishment the result of his unintentional disrespect towards his father, leading to his honour being tainted the second time when he had the chance to restore it by letting the avatar escape. He is so accustomed to blame that even in the midst of his metamorphosis in converting to be good after all the wrong he has done, he still carries this burden till this day.

He wants justice for himself, for the monster he believes he is - he wants Jin to _see_ that. He wants to be hated at.

_"Be mad at me,"_ he whimpers, like an animal bruised. _"It's what I deserve... it's what I deserve..."_

His arms are now wrapped around her, locked in a strained embrace, shoulders collapsing and caving in on her. He allows himself to be pathetic, holding her close to him as if his life depended on it, as if if he lets go right now, everything would come falling apart. His heartbeat is erratic but hers is steady, her chest flush against his as he buries his face in the crook of her neck. The room is quiet save for his shallow breathing and the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his ears as it slowly, _slowly_ steadies itself to the rhythm of Jin's. "Don't let the sins of your nation define you," she whispers, lips brushing against his temple, so _tenderly_ \- _when was the last time he's ever felt this tender?_ \- as her fingers absentmindedly stroke his hair. 

Zuko's tense muscles gradually grow lax, the panging in his head subsiding, relaxing against her like a storm calmed. Jin tilts his head gently to her angle so she could look him in the eye. "You are not to blame."

Zuko thinks of chrysanthemums, of _support in a friendship,_ of _always being there for someone_ \- of first dates and hugs that last longer than usual and thinks that maybe Jin has been showing support for him all along.

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me this was initially written in good humour but writing in zuko's pov got me all angsty ;_;


End file.
